Gillham Pack 19 - Calvin Read online

  “Of course it would.”

  “What do you think? Do you like it?”

  Calvin took a deep breath and leaned against the wall. “Why are you asking me?”

  Alex blinked. “Because I want to know what you think.”

  “Or is it because you want to know if I can see myself living here, with you?” Calvin asked, his heart beating faster than it had a few seconds earlier.

  Alex paused, and Calvin wondered if he was going to lie. “Yeah, I want to know that too. Look, I’m not trying to pressure you into doing anything. I know you want to take your time, and that you want to date, but I know what I want for the future. I want to eventually mate with you, and live with you, so yes, I think it’s important you like this house as much as I do.”

  Calvin swallowed. “What would you think of being housemates?”

  Alex cocked his head. “Housemates?”

  “I know it’s not what you want, but, well, I kind of like the idea.” Calvin loved Dallas and Hamilton as much as he could after knowing them only two months, but they were newly mated, and their place wasn’t big. It was even smaller than this cabin was, because it was right by the infirmary. They would never kick Calvin out, but Calvin wasn’t blind, nor deaf. He really could do without hearing them going at it at night.

  “You want to move in with me? In this house?”

  “I guess. I don’t want to mate yet, though. I’m not ready for that.”

  “I know.”

  “But I want to give Dallas and Hamilton their space back. I can’t continue living with them forever.”

  “You’ve been here for only a few months. That’s hardly forever.”

  Calvin grinned. “Are you trying to talk me out of living with you?”

  Alex shook his head, his eyes wide. “Fuck, no. I want you to live here with me.”

  “Even though I don’t want to mate yet?”

  “Even though. I told you, I understand why you want to wait. I have no problems with that, but I can’t deny I would love seeing you every day and having you to come home to at the end of my shifts.”

  The thought made Calvin blush. He liked it, maybe as much as Alex did. He’d never had someone look so eager to spend time with him. “Okay.”

  Alex looked hopeful. “Okay?”

  “Okay, I’ll move in.”

  * * * *

  Alex blinked, sure he hadn’t heard that right even though Calvin had been the one to suggest it. “You will?”

  Calvin huffed, but the pink on his cheeks betrayed the fact that he was more embarrassed than annoyed at Alex’s incredulity. “That’s what I just said.”

  Alex whooped and grabbed Calvin’s waist, hauling him up and loudly kissing the tip of his nose. Calvin yelped and clutched at Alex’s shoulders, but he didn’t look angry, and he didn’t protest when Alex put him down and hugged him tightly. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Alex’s waist and held on, and everything was pretty darn close to perfect in Alex’s life.

  He kissed the top of Calvin’s head and rubbed his cheek against the soft dark blond hair. “So what do we need to do?”

  Calvin snorted. “I thought you’d have all the answers.”

  Alex shook his head and looked down, and damn, Calvin looked so fucking good in his arms. It was hard to believe they’d met only the day before, that Calvin was so hesitant about them and what they could have.

  Alex knew how big this decision had been for Calvin, and he was surprised Calvin had suggested it, and that he hadn’t wanted more time to think about it and talk it over with Dallas.

  “Well,” he said. “We need to buy furniture, obviously.”

  For some reason, that seemed to take all the happiness out of Calvin. His smile faded and he stepped away, leaving Alex’s arms feeling empty.

  “What’s wrong?” Alex asked. He resisted the urge to reach for Calvin again. He didn’t know what had suddenly made him feel uncomfortable, so he couldn’t be sure it hadn’t been his touchy-feely behavior. He hoped not. They’d agreed to live together, but nothing more. Maybe Calvin wasn’t ready for nose-kisses just yet.

  Calvin looked down at his feet and pushed his hands into his jeans pockets. “Nothing.”

  Alex sighed. “I know we met only yesterday, but it doesn’t mean I can’t tell something’s wrong. Is it something I did? Because if it is, you need to tell me. I’ll keep my hands to myself. You don’t have to worry I’ll touch you without your permission, okay?”

  Calvin’s head snapped up. “No, no, it’s not because of—of the hug.” He blushed, and Alex didn’t think he’d ever not find it adorable.

  “Because of the kisses, then.”

  The blush deepened. “No. I—I liked them.”

  Alex wasn’t sure what else was left. He didn’t think he’d done anything else apart from hugging and kissing Calvin. “What was it, then?”

  Of course, Calvin looked back down at his feet. “It’s nothing.”

  Alex had to stop himself from calling bullshit. It wouldn’t do any good to scare Calvin. “Come on,” he tried to coax. “We might have met only yesterday, but we’re mates, and I hope we’re also on our way to being at least friends if we’re going to live together. You can tell me.”

  Calvin shrugged. “It’s just, well, you said we’ll need to buy furniture.”

  Alex frowned. “The house is empty, so unless you want to sleep on the floor, we have to, yeah.”

  “I know that. It’s just that I don’t have the money to buy furniture, okay? I don’t even have enough money to buy sheets for the beds, or a new jacket for myself. How am I supposed to pay for furniture?”

  Oh. Alex hadn’t thought of that, and he should have. Calvin had obviously been embarrassed about having to borrow a jacket the day before. If a jacket was so difficult for him to ask for, it wasn’t surprising that having to furnish an entire house would freak him out.

  “I’m sure we’ll find a way,” Alex said, but Calvin shook his head.

  “I don’t want you to pay for everything, not if I’m going to live with you. You shouldn’t have to.”

  “I don’t mind.” Alex wasn’t sure he had enough money to furnish an entire house, to be honest, but he knew his parents and Kameron would help if he needed them to. That was what family and pack were for.

  “But it’s not fair.”

  Alex carefully reached for Calvin, relieved when Calvin didn’t seem to mind his touch. He pulled Calvin into his arms and kissed his hair again. “I know it’s scary to have to rely on other people. I know you’re not used to it, that you’ve been on your own for a while, but it’s not a bad thing, Calvin. Asking for help isn’t a bad thing.”

  Calvin slightly slumped against Alex’s chest. “I know. I keep trying to convince myself of it, but it’s hard. I don’t want to depend on you.”

  “I get that, and you won’t have to, not forever. You’re going to decide what you want with your life and work toward that, and to do that, you need to be able not to worry about stuff like the house and owing people stuff.” Alex gently pushed Calvin away so they could look at each other, even though Calvin’s gaze kept on sliding away. “You know, I don’t actually have that much money put aside. I mean, my old alpha didn’t pay much, just enough to survive. He thought being part of the nest’s security was something we had to do, so why pay us for it?”

  Calvin frowned. “That’s stupid. How were you supposed to survive?”

  “Eh. We had enough to eat, and we didn’t pay rent, but that’s about it. Kameron is different, and he pays well, but I’ve only been here for a few months. Granted, I’ve lived with my parents the whole time, but still.”

  “But how are we going to buy furniture, then? Even if I do agree to—to let you buy everything, you’re saying you can’t actually do it.”

  “No, but my parents and Kameron will help.”

  Calvin pushed away again. “Seriously?”

  This wasn’t going to b
e easy, and Alex sighed. “Yes, seriously.”

  “You’re going to ask your parents for money to buy furniture for your new house?”

  Alex huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “You don’t have to make it sound so bad. I know you’ve been relying only on yourself for a while, but I haven’t. My family has always been there for me, and I’m not ashamed to ask them for help.”

  Calvin shook his head. “I’m not saying you should be ashamed.”

  “You sure sound like you are.”

  “I’m not. I just don’t understand why they would help you.”

  “They’re my parents.”

  Calvin’s lopsided smile was self-deprecating. “It’s not like I know how that goes, right? How am I supposed to know what a real family does for each other?”

  God, there was no way Alex could be angry with Calvin. He reached out and wrapped his arm around Calvin’s shoulders, pulling him close and kissing him again. “I know you don’t know about it, but that’s going to change.”

  “It is?”

  “You might not have had a family until now, but now you do.”

  “You’re talking about your family, right? I get it, I really do, but being your mate doesn’t mean I’m family now.”

  “And what should it mean, then?”

  Calvin shook his head and didn’t answer.

  “No matter what you think, my parents are going to consider you like another son after I introduce you as my mate. They’ll welcome you into the family, just like they did with Zane and Clea. You better get used to it.”

  “But we’re not going to mate for a while.”

  “So? You’re still my mate. Even if you decide you don’t want me in the end, the bond between us will always be there. That’s why my parents will welcome you into the family. Of course, they’ll still kick your ass if you do dump me, but they’ll still be there for you if you ever need it.”

  Calvin looked confused, as if he didn’t understand, and Alex thought he probably didn’t. It would take him some time to realize that, and the best way to do it would be for him to spend time with Alex’s family.

  Alex grabbed Calvin’s hand and pulled him along as he hurried downstairs.

  Calvin laughed, the sound light and happy. “Where are we going?”

  “You’re about to meet my parents.”

  Calvin froze in the middle of the entrance. “What?”

  He suddenly looked terrified, and it made Alex smile. “They’re not going to eat you. Besides, it’s better if you meet them now, before they find out about you through someone else. That would be even more uncomfortable.”

  “But I—”

  “Do you have anything else to do right now?”

  “Well, no, but—”

  “It’s decided, then.”

  * * * *

  Calvin shook his head, but Alex didn’t even notice. He was already opening the front door and ushering Calvin out, closing the door and locking it behind him. He took Calvin’s hand again as he started walking down the porch steps, but Calvin dug his heels in. It was too fast. He’d barely agreed to move in with Alex and now he was going to meet his parents?

  “What’s wrong?” Alex asked.

  “Can’t we, I don’t know, wait for a while? I don’t know if I can meet your parents right now.”

  Alex climbed back up the stairs and stopped in front of Calvin. He cupped Calvin’s cheek, and Calvin let himself relax into the touch. God, he’d never known how good being touched could feel.

  His high school boyfriend hadn’t had that many opportunities to touch Calvin, and even when they had, it had been mostly awkward handholding. Calvin’s foster brother had touched him too, had playfully punched him and pushed him around, but it hadn’t been anything like this. This was warm, and not only physically. The simple touch made Calvin feel safe, and wanted, and it wasn’t something he’d thought could ever happen, not until he’d met Alex.

  “We can wait if you really want to,” Alex said softly, “but you have to know that my parents will find out about you sooner rather than later. The pack, well, gossip goes around fast here.”

  Calvin bit his lower lip. He supposed that was true. He himself had heard enough gossip that he knew most pack members by name now. What would Alex’s parents think of him if he didn’t go meet them now? Would they think he was ashamed, or maybe that he was rude and didn’t want to meet them? Would they think less of him?

  Wait, what would they think of him being Alex’s mate in the first place? He didn’t have anything, was a street rat. He didn’t have a family, or money, or even just a high school diploma. He couldn’t give anything to Alex. Why would his family like him? Why would they want to meet him in the first place?

  He understood mates were important for shifters, but were they so important that Alex’s parents would be able to let go the fact that Calvin didn’t have anything to his name? Or would they think he was taking advantage of Alex and his kindness, taking advantage of their bond?

  “Stop panicking,” Alex said, kissing the tip of Calvin’s nose, and really, why did Calvin love that so much?

  “I’m not panicking.”

  Alex snickered. “Right. That’s not why your eyes are wide and you look like you’re seconds away from kicking me in the nuts and running as far and fast as you can.”

  “I wouldn’t kick you in the nuts.”

  Alex snorted. “Well, that makes me feel better.” His smile softened. “But really, you have nothing to worry about. I don’t know exactly what’s going on in that head of yours, but I think I have a good idea.”

  Calvin didn’t doubt that. He knew he wasn’t that hard to read, and he’d told Alex more of what he felt than he’d ever told anyone, including Dallas and Brian, his foster brother.

  “They won’t care about what you did, or that you have nothing. They’ll only care that you’re my mate, and that you’re a great guy.”

  “How can you know I am, though? You don’t know me.”

  Alex’s smile was crooked. “Well, I certainly hope fate wouldn’t have stuck me with an asshole.”

  Calvin laughed. No matter how confusing everything was, Alex was able to make him feel so much better with only a few words and a smile.

  “Look,” Alex continued, his thumb stroking the skin on Calvin’s cheek. “I know this is new for you, and that we don’t know each other, but I think I already know enough to be sure you’re not an asshole and that you’d never hurt me intentionally. My parents will like you as much as I do, okay? We don’t have to stay for lunch or anything. I just want them to meet you.”

  Calvin slowly nodded. “All right.”

  The smile Alex gave him was blinding. “Great. Come on, let’s go.”

  He let his hand fall to his side, and Calvin missed the warmth. He wanted to touch Alex, to ask him to touch him again, but he kept it to himself. No matter how nice Alex was and how comfortable Calvin was already starting to be with him, he wasn’t that comfortable just yet. He wanted to, though, so much.

  But Alex was already pulling him along again, chatting about his family, telling Calvin about his brothers. “Iggy’s the middle brother, and I’m the baby of the family. I guess they’ll all be surprised that I found you already, but they’ll be happy. I mean, you’re my mate. Iggy might tease us, but he’ll be happy.”

  Calvin smiled. He wished he had a family too, someone he could introduce to Alex, someone who would be happy for him for finding his mate. The only people he could tell were Dallas and Hamilton, though, but no matter how much he wanted them to be enough, his heart hurt.

  He wanted a real family, a mother, a father, or maybe even two fathers or two mothers. He couldn’t have cared less about what his parents would have been if he’d had them. But he didn’t. He didn’t have parents, or siblings, and the thought made him feel lonely again.

  Calvin knew the feeling would fade. He might not have blood-relatives, but he had other peo
ple finally. Dallas and Hamilton, and Alex. He even had a few friends, like Sei and Clea.

  “So me and Clea are going to be brothers-in-law?” he suddenly asked. He hadn’t thought about it until then, but he liked the idea.

  He and Clea were kind of friends, and he knew Christian had been jealous of him once. He didn’t think the man still was, or at least he hoped so, because it would make family reunions awkward to say the least.

  “Oh, right, Clea’s your friend.”

  Calvin shrugged. “Kind of.”

  Alex looked at him as they walked. “Who are you closest to here?”

  That wasn’t hard to answer. “Dallas and Hamilton.”

  “They’re more like parents, though. I meant as friends.”

  Calvin bit his lower lip. “Clea, I guess. We’re not that close, but we could be.”

  “In time, right?”

  Calvin nodded. “Yeah.”

  “That’s good. You’re putting down roots.”

  That too was a surprising thought. Calvin had never had roots. He’d changed foster families every few years when he’d been a kid, and he hadn’t kept in touch with any of them. It would have been impossible for him while he’d lived on the streets. But maybe he could recuperate some of those relationships.

  He’d never felt close to anyone but Brian. He knew Brian hadn’t wanted him to leave, that he hadn’t been afraid of him, not even when he’d shifted in front of him. Brian had made sure Calvin could take some of his things, and he’d snuck him money. He hadn’t been able to do anything more, no matter how much he’d tried to talk to his mother. He’d been only sixteen.

  They hadn’t talked since then, though. Would Brian want to see Calvin, or at least talk to him? Would he want to know Calvin was fine? Or had he already forgotten all about his foster brother?

  “You’re quiet,” Alex said, jerking Calvin out of his thoughts.

  “Sorry.”

  “Nothing to be sorry about. Besides, you’re always quiet.”

  Calvin licked his lips. He should probably tell Alex what he’d been thinking about. They were mates, and they’d be living together soon. Besides, Calvin wanted to trust Alex. He wanted to tell him.